Heavy

Mornings are the worst.
I wake up shaking and confused
And breathing is hard.

Where am I?
What did I do?
Where did all the air go?

When I’m around people I’m ok
For the most part,
But I wake up alone with memories
And my distractions are still hiding in their own beds
And I feel so overwhelmed
My vision blurs.

Mornings are the worst.
I’m too tired and weak to pretend.
I feel too weighed down to move.
I’m secretly hoping someone will walk in and save me
But no one would even know where to look.
I want to run away.
Leave a box with my hands and heart inside and tie up my memories with a bow
And disappear.
Someone else can take care of this mess
Because it’s morning
And I just woke up
And my heart is so heavy
And I can’t fucking breathe
And these feelings aren’t just for you…
They’re for her and for him and for them and mostly me…
And I’m not feeling strong enough
Or brave enough
to deal with this Heavy right now.

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