A little secret 

the reason why I always have a character that either tries to kill themself or successfully does so is because I hope that’ll be enough for me. 
As I get older, it’s getting harder to just create a new world to escape this one. I have too many responsibilities in this one. Too many bills to pay and too many people to disappoint. I used to just write and it’d make it all better but it’s a little harder than that. So in my 20s I started creating characters that were very simular to me. They’d have my struggles and sense of humor. My past and whatever else. I’d make them dark but lovable. Missable. Good people with damaged hearts. And I’d make you root for them and make it seem like everything was going to be ok…and then I’d kill them. I’d fall in love with them and hope that by killing them I’d be killing just a piece of me and that would be enough. I would never have to physically hurt myself bc losing them was enough. And it worked for a while. In my 20s. It got me through my twenties. But now I’m 31 and these feelings are right at the surface and I’m writing a story and the character is me and I just can’t hurt him. I can’t kill him. He needs a happy ending but the two of us can’t both survive. And that’s what I’m struggling with. 

  

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